Daycare - Shed the Guilt

Today I found myself in tears as I drove away from my son’s daycare, his cries ringing in my ears and once again I asked myself “What am I doing?”

The beginning of 2009 meant for many of us the time to return to work, after having a baby. Whether it was part or full time, this new stage seems to come around far too quickly. For some parents the return to work means , not only some extra money (yay), or those baby brains being switched back on (uh oh), but it also signals the time when we have to think about what care to choose for our precious little ones. It maybe family, friends, family daycare or care at a centre. Whatever the choice, it is always difficult to drop off your child/ren for care. As you drive away, that sick feeling in your stomach sets in, the tears start to flow and as if that wasn't enough, the feeling that tops them all..GUILT makes its first appearance!

The above thoughts and feelings are ones that you may have had many times or not at all. Gone are the days when mothers were expected to stay home and care for their family. The reality now, for many of us, is that mothers have to return to work after having children. It makes us wonder when families were better off? In the days where a mother’s place was in the home caring for their children, or now when a woman can gain personal satisfaction by going to work and then returning home a happy and fulfilled person ready to spend quality time with her family.

The number of Australian children attending childcare has increased dramatically in the past few years, due to the growing number of working parents. For many families, child care is a juggling act of two or more forms of care: often a formal service, such as a long-day care centre, with support from relatives, friends, nannies or babysitters.

Sara, A bubs about town partner knows these feelings of guilt and sadness well. She explains; "I had no option but to use daycare as I have no family in the area, my guilt started before my son was 7 months old, and to some extent it continues now over 6 months later. The guilt stemmed from the knowledge that no one (no matter how qualified and experienced) would be as capable of looking after my son as I would. I feel very strongly that we have the media, society and sometimes even friends and family to thank for these increasing feelings of guilt! Other people’s judgements, disapproving looks and comments intensify our feelings and anxiety until we are even questioning our own decision to return to work.

This negative view made finding a day care that I was happy with very difficult and eventually I had to accept that although no-one could care for Oli as well I did, he would be well cared for and stimulated by loving and dedicated professionals. After accepting this I found a fantastic local daycare where I felt comfortable leaving my child."

So how do we ‘shed the guilt’? Well it’s not easy, but with a little work and lots of positive thinking it can be done. Sara gave us some great tips that helped her.

"Accepting that putting my son in daycare twice a week was not going to scar my child for life was the first thing. I was able accept my child was in good hands as I researched the daycare, asked questions, visited at different times of the day to observe the interaction between staff and children and most importantly I got ‘that’ feeling. The feeling that I could trust these people with my son."

"I also came to terms with the fact that by working I was creating a better future for our family with more stability. I can imagine people saying “money isn’t everything”, but it’s a different story when the mortgage is due and the car is on empty. "

"The third thing that I do which alleviates some of the guilt, is ensure that I spend ‘quality’ time with my son before and after he goes to daycare. We spend 10 minutes reading stories in the morning, talking about the different things in the books and then after picking him up I make sure we have time to go to the park, play in the grass in the backyard, go to the beach or on those rainy days, sing songs and play with his toys together. My husband and I are dedicated to making sure our son knows that we love him and have time for him and we have vowed that this will continue no matter how busy we get. Family time in our house is from 5.00pm to 7.00pm every night and we do our best to always spend this time together. Of course there are times when this isn’t possible but the majority of the time we are together as a family and that is what counts.

So will we ever feel 100% happy about sending our children to daycare? Maybe. But I think we can speak for many parents when we say that "we are doing our very best that we can for our child/ren". At the end of the day if you know that is true then it will go along way to helping you to ‘shed the guilt’ over placing your precious children in someone else’s care.

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